Release Music
Almost nobody knows that Drowning Pool’s “Bodies” is actually a song about code releases.
Let the bodies hit the floor – let’s release
Let the bodies hit the floor – git checkout staging
Let the bodies hit the floor – git merge origin/dev
Let the bodies hit the… FLOOR! – git push –force
Beaten… why for? – tests are not passing
Can’t take much more – again? they were green yesterday
Here we go… Here we go… Here we go (now) – restart the GitHub Action
One – Nothing wrong with me – first test is passing
Two – Nothing wrong with me – second test is passing
Three – Nothing wrong with me – third test is passing
Four – Nothing wrong with me – fourth test is passing
One – Something’s got to give – lints are not passing
Two – Something’s got to give – static analysis errored out
Three – Something’s got to give – there are 3 PRs still open
Now! – there’s no time unfortunately
Let the bodies hit the floor – let’s still release!
Let the bodies hit the floor – git checkout production
Let the bodies hit the, floor! – git merge origin/staging
Let the bodies hit the floor – merge conflict
Let the bodies hit the floor – git reset –hard origin/staging
Let the bodies hit the, floor! – git push –force
Push, me again – push a hotfix into master
This is the end – production cluster is down
Here we go… Here we go… Here we go (now) – it should work now
One – Nothing wrong with me – health checks are up again
Two – Nothing wrong with me – homepage is 200 OK
Three – Nothing wrong with me – release notes are sent to client
Four – Nothing wrong with me – wrapping up for the day
One – Something’s got to give – turns out homepage was cached
Two – Something’s got to give – 500 Internal Server Error
Three – Something’s got to give – migrations didn’t apply
Now! – run them manually!
Let the bodies hit the floor – client is angry
Let the bodies hit the floor – management is furious
Let the bodies hit the, floor! – users are bouncing
Let the bodies hit the floor – rollback is impossible
Let the bodies hit the floor – enable maintenance mode
Let the bodies hit the floor – overtime
Skin against skin, blood and bone – team pulling an allnighter
You’re all by yourself, but you’re not alone – management can’t help
You wanted in, and now you’re here – job responsibilities
Driven by hate, consumed by fear – mortgage payments
Let the bodies hit the floor – git bisect start
Let the bodies hit the floor – git checkout 05bc12aa
Let the bodies hit the floor – git bisect good
Let the bodies hit the floor! – git bisect bad
One – Nothing wrong with me – 05bc12aa was both good and bad
Two – Nothing wrong with me – git blame
Three – Nothing wrong with me – git log
Four – Nothing wrong with me – git stash list
One – Something’s got to give – production branch and ‘origin/production’ have diverged
Two – Something’s got to give – deleted by them
Three – Something’s got to give – rm -rf .git
Now! – git init; git add .
Let the bodies hit the floor – git commit
Let the bodies hit the floor – (how do I exit vim?)
Let the bodies hit the floor! – pkill vim
Let the bodies hit the floor – git commit -m ‘hotfix’
Let the bodies hit the floor – git push –force
Let the bodies hit the floor – 30 minutes to daily
Hey go… Hey go… Hey go… Hey go! – nano letter-of-resignation.txt